17

It has been an incredibly difficult, challenging and emotionally draining two months. This post has been rewritten at least 100 times and I really wasn't sure if I wanted to post it.

The middle of January I figured out that I was pregnant, and I say figured out because I was already 11 weeks along! Both Rob and I had noticed over Christmas that my belly had gotten bigger but we had a good laugh about putting on weight and being out of shape. It's not uncommon for me to miss a random period here or there so that didn't set of any alarm bells either. I had started to become quite winded when walking both kids across the field to school but I did mention that I am terribly out of shape at the moment. It was Rob's comment one night about my constant snoring that had recently started and my random cravings for Chinese food at any given moment that had me second guessing my strong opinion of the fact I was not pregnant.

After breaking the news to Rob and both of us having a bit of a panic together, I contacted the midwives and was booked in with our previous midwife in 2 weeks time. Just enough time for Rob and I to wrap the idea of having a family of five!!!!

We met with Alina and were quickly issued all of the standard tests and ultrasound that are done at this stage. I got a bad feeling from the ultrasound tech during our visit and called the midwife right away. She called me back within the hour and confirmed that things did not look good. The baby had a sac of fluid that ran the length of it's back and would continue to grow. We were immediately referred to a genetics counsellor in the Credit Valley Hospital and met with her shortly after. After a few more tests with her she was able to confirm that the baby would most likely not survive the pregnancy and we had two decisions. Let nature take its course or end the pregnancy now.

We struggled. A lot.

Both of us felt most comfortable with waiting for mother nature, our midwife was sending me weekly for ultrasounds and bloodwork to keep an eye on mine and the baby's health. At one point the ultrasound technician here in Bolton asked why I had not started to take medication to abort the pregnancy and began to give me her opinion on what I should be doing. Let's just say that didn't go over so well with me so Rob and I continued our weekly checkups at the Orangeville Hospital.

Over the next few weeks nothing much happened, the sac continued to grow. Alina informed me that if I go past 18 weeks that I will have to deliver the baby no matter what the outcome. I did not want to go through that so at 17 weeks I had a D&C. They will be doing genetic testing to see if they can figure out was was the problem. Hopefully in a few weeks we will find out.

My Mom came down for a week or so (my memory is a bit blurry over this time frame) and was a great support for us both by looking after the kids and us. We had been doing our best to deal with the intense decisions and emotions that followed and it was incredibly draining for us. Rob was supportive of all decisions that I had made along this journey.

It has been two very emotional weeks of recovery and mourning our loss.
The sun is beginning to shine, weather is getting warmer and our two kids are so incredible. We are very blessed to have them.